I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
