I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
