BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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