Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
