They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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