I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
