Jerry, you need to find god
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
