You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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