When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
