Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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