Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
