U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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