jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
A bitchslap is in order.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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