mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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