mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
