summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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