I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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