Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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