"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
