How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
