Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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