i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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