I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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