At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
