i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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