I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
