i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
birth control should be required to get into college
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
