i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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