no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
