matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
