i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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