do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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