nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
