We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
