Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
