The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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