Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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