3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
