we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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