im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
