so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
