oh god the rape fog is back!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
