Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
