All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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