i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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