Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
