I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
