I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
