It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
