I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
