btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
