I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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