just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
