Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
